Parkinson's: How do you see yourself?

 

Your Point of View

“Why don't you write about that in your blog?” Tracy said, during our Dancing with Parkinson's class.  I said I would. But what was it really about?  Judy had been talking about how slowly she moved doing daily tasks.  At the same time, she spoke, she was miming putting her clothes in the washer.  Her arms were making graceful, slow swoops.  It was lovely so I blurted out “you could think of it as dance."

How do you see yourself? I think that is an important thought for happy living with Snarky Parky. I have wondered how people would look at me when and if I start having Dyskinesia movements, uncontrolled, involuntary muscle movement. Would I stop wanting to be among people? That would not be good for me.  

I am already slower in my movements and stiff looking. (That's called Bradykinesia, I had to look up how to spell it! I feel kinda cool, using that word).  I went to a memorial service the other day and a friend I hadn't seen in a year came over to say hi.  She was looking concerned as she said “How are you?” I answered “I am fine” Before leaving, she asked again, “Are you doing OK?” So I told her I had gotten a diagnosis of Parkinson’s.  She said she had noticed I was moving stiffly.  Inside I was kind of disturbed.  I don't want my relationships to be about the Snark.  But Snarky is with me from now on.

So how am I going to view myself?  I worry about how my friends and loved ones will view me. If I view myself as a person with a snark companion, different from before, but ok, it might make a difference in how some others view me.  Not everyone but maybe the ones who care and I care about. 

Can I see myself as a dancer?  With different movements than others? Some staccato and some sinuous and slow? 

Or maybe the point is, when with others, not to concentrate on how I look, but on being with them.  

I want to end with a quote from my friend Theresa, she wrote it in the comments on my 2^nd blog post.

 “I would like to welcome you into our exclusive community. It’s one no one ever chose to join but one where we always lovingly welcome newcomers. Welcome to the world of people with disabilities. In my head I’ve had two lives; one before my disability and one after. Both very different but both very good! So happy birthday and welcome to your second life. I hope I can help you find all the joy and happiness you are entitled to in your new life, the way many others have done for me in my second life. Please call on me anytime for anything. I’ll leave with a quote that a nurse told me one day. I have always remembered it and tried to live by it.”

“Every day is a gift.
Every day is a blessing.
Every day is a party.”

I think if I can live this view of life, I will be ok.

Cheers,

Nancy and the Snark

Footnotes from Corrine

I see you as Nancy with a pesky sidekick called Snarky.  Really love your thoughts on this Nancy, and Theresa's lovely message. "We get to define ourselves by the best that is in us, not the worst that has been done to us" - Edward Lewis,  or how others want to try and perceive us.