Parkinson's: Good Stress/Bad Stress

 

A Journey Into Parkinson's With Nancy Mellon

Blog Coordinated by Corrine Bayraktaroglu

I had something neat happen a couple of days ago.  I got an email from someone who had hired Corrine and I to do a six week artist residency in 2016 at the Dayton Metro Library. (We had a splendid time but of course it was a lot of work.) She was offering me an opportunity to create some art events.  I could plan them and then lead them in May.

A couple of important things to consider for this story:

•       Last time, it was Corrine, my wonderful art partner, and I both doing it as Jafagirls. And now Corrine lives in Arizona.

•       Last time, there wasn't a pandemic going on.  I hadn't spent 2 years staying away from groups of people gathered together indoors.

•       Last time, I didn't have Parkinson's. I'm not sure how Parkinson's comes into the story. But I felt, I needed to think about it.

 So as my little cold, (the girls had had a cold that I had gotten a very gentle version of) instantly blew up into a big cold, I fretted over whether to take on this opportunity/challenge. 

The questions swirling around in my stuffy, achy brain all night were: Can I even do it? Do I want to do it?  Should I do it?And what would I do?  (All night long bits of a plan started coming together and I would scribble it down on an index card beside me. As I leaned over it, I also dripped from my enthusiastically drippy nose on to it, but that is probably TMI)

I sent Corrine an anxiety filled e mail: How can I do this without you?

In the morning, I was sick and exhausted but weirdly happy, my brain could still create an art event.

I was so pleased and surprised to get the offer to begin with. She was complimentary about our artwork and that felt good too. It's exciting and life affirming to have someone want to hire me to do something creative. I had spent the last year involved with being ill. 

In 2021, it seemed like I was shutting down my life. 

In 2022 as I have gained strength, I have been taking baby steps into the idea of a future- first thinking that new adventures were possible, then deciding with delight that there was something I was interested in doing.  This week, I signed up for a weekend class in Clowning. Definitely baby steps.

This offer was a big jump into life. It would take creativity, lots of energy and skills in leading people.   I would be responsible to a big organization for events that would be on their calendar.

Was this offer a spiritual nudge for me?  (Yes, I do talk to spirit and a few times Spirit has talked back.)

During the night, I had added in my clown, to the proposal that I had created. For the last month, I have already been noodling out who my clown is, her name (Tootie Fruity), what she might look like, (no makeup, bed hair, red nose and a hat with fruit on it) how she would communicate (through a Kazoo) and what she wants to do with people (make friends).

It crossed my mind that it would give me a deadline for getting my clown act together. (I think deadlines are good but are they for me and now?  Stress is not usually good for your health.  It has been my regular way of handling life that I would get stressed out when a lot of people depended on me getting a lot of activity done by a certain date.  But I've done many fun projects and events. I am also pretty good at it... both the creating of events and the stressing over it.)

Covid is still here and will probably be still here in May. I counted out the months on my fingers, at least 2 or 3 times. The plan I came up with included a clown chorus warm up and a celebratory parade with kazoos, both for my clown and everyone else. Hmm...blowing our air out.  And with our masks off?  Ok, I'd need to skip the kazoos, (But I love the kazoo's part! She wails.)

How do I work with the mask? My red nose could be painted or sewn on, how does that change the safety of the mask? Will it hinder breathing?  How can a clown communicate with half a hidden face? Eyebrows and eyes and body language. The KN95's are even more restrictive.  At least mine are. Could we count on the “lovely month of May” to be warm enough on the right day/s for an outdoor parade instead?  No.

Can you tell that I am thinking it through with you on what to do?

I asked Corrine and she basically said: It's grand luv, but let it go.

That seems to be where I am today.  I am not sure I would have the energy. I don't particularly want to lead art projects with kids, especially little kids, it is very chaotic and stressful. (They are talking about a project for all ages and kids show up more than the adults.)   But sigh, I do have a very fun idea for the project, if I do say so myself.

The pandemic still gives me the willies.

And Parkinson's gets worse with stress.

I think I have my answer.  Thanks for listening.

Cheers,

Nancy and the/Snark

Footnotes from Corrine

It was such a delight to get an offer. Had I been there, and you didn't have Parky, and there was no pandemic I would have said YES! Our residency there was an amazing experience and we met so many wonderful people of all ages. Fabulous library and staff.

It was an honor to be asked .

As it is Nancy you have come up with some super ideas and suggestions. So I hope we can still help in a different way.