Parkinson's: Friendships

 Snarky Parky & me 

A Journey Into Parkinson's With Nancy Mellon

Coordinated by Corrine Bayraktaroglu

Friendships

We Are Going On This Journey Together 

Image courtesy of photographer Adrew Moca  

Each time I write the opening bit about a journey into Parkinson's with Nancy Mellon. I get a little scared.  It's the word 'Into' that scares me and the word 'Journey' that I pause at. I have experienced with my mom what going deeper into Parkinson's can mean.  It is quite a hard journey.  I don't want to go there.  I am afraid of being a burden to my family and friends.

So why is this post called 'Friendships?'  Because, you are here, reading my blog, you are choosing to go on this journey with me.  I appreciate that. It makes a difference in my courage.

Writing this blog has helped me feel connected to you.  It has also helped shape what I think about my challenges.  It helps me to think in a more positive way.  We all have challenges,  it is how we move forward with them that counts.

Lately, I have been reading about the importance of Friendships.   I have been blessed with many in my life. (I have failed some of them. Not been the friend I should have been.) Friends have been so good to me and for me that I am astounded at their capacity for friendship. Steven can always tell when I have had a good day communicating with people.  I am happy. 

“Humans need meaningful social connections to survive. In fact, it's linked to our mental and physical well being. Knowing that we have people to lean on and care for us makes us feel confident and assured.”  I found this quote by Marisa Franco, in a Times article about Friendship.  Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends, by Marisa Franco, Ph.D

I think the most important thing I have learned about keeping a friendship is you must put in effort. 

You need to-

•       Keep in touch. This is where I have fallen down sometimes.  But friends have taught me by their beautiful examples, how important it is. Whether it is exchanging a diary over many years, (thank you Ara and Corrine!) or writing letters (thank you to so many friends over the years for writing!) or a regular scheduled Skype session (thank you Corrine for Tuesdays with you!)  or a scheduled monthly catch up phone call (thank you Eileen and Mr. Leo!) or invitations for walks or for tea or for a  homemade mocha (thank you Amy, Holly and Kathy!).  Keeping in touch by sending short texts or pictures of what you are seeing on your walk or what you are drinking, eating or creating or the dropping off of CHOCOLATE (by the Chocolate Queen Theresa!) or dropping off an incredibly beautiful crystal bowl of red strawberries! (Oh my goodness Ellen they were so gorgeous!) and on and on, you have kept in touch and  I thank you all!

•       Or leaving a comment or sending an email of thoughts about the blog posts! (Thank you to so many!)

•       Show up, when you can. (I have  never been good at travel. My anxieties click in – i.e. I don't show up when it is out of town. Which is not great.) If you are living at a distance, sometimes you need to go see each other.  One dear friend has visited at each place we have moved to.  Ara was there when my children were born and when my oldest son got married.  Leo was there when my mother died. Thank you, the memories you made are wonderful.

•       Tell them or write a letter to them, about what you think is so great  about them.

•       Make time to be together. Show your friends you value them by reaching out to them and finding time to hang out together. Family and work life can get so busy at times that it can be hard  to follow this advice well.  I have often had trouble with this and let my dearest of friends down.  (I have learned Corrine!)

•       Give of yourself, your time, what you are good at and finances when you can. Think about what your skills and talents are and find a way to turn that into a generous act.  Amy told me she would be happy to drive me to a Dr. appointment, when I need it.  I have already had the need and the pleasure of taking her up on it!  Ara has introduced me to my Rock Steady Boxing Coach. And made it possible for me to take the classes. Corrine has made my blog possible.

Thank you Amy, Ara and Corrine!

•       Use common interests to feel connected, make memories and have something special together.

•       Be vulnerable. Talk about your struggles, joys ... and guilty pleasures. Ask about theirs. Surprisingly I have had troubles with this before.  I think, I lost at least one friend because of that.  I am a listener and very happy to ask about and to listen to my friend's struggles and joys but not as often have I the courage to talk about mine.  I think I am learning to do that through this blog.

 “The stronger our relationships are, the more likely we are to thrive” Marisa Franco adds. So how do we intensify the existing friendships in our lives? Franco offers  tips, based on her research. They sound very familiar to me. They are the ways I show my husband  that I love him.

• Communicate your love and appreciation.
• Tell them how much they mean to you
• Be excited at their good news
• Tell them when you think of them in passing
• Remind them you are grateful to know them. Write letter of grattitude to them

To all my friends-I am so grateful that you are here on this journey

with me. Thank you.

With love and appreciation, 

Nancy & the Snark

Footnotes From Corrine

What a beautiful post.  I am reminded of how blessed I am to have so many dear friends back in Yellow Springs, Ohio Friends I miss dearly, and that includes acquaintances and familiar faces. I feel honored that I can at least help from afar with this blog Nancy.  You are like a sister to me, and what adventures we have had lol!

AND

No, NEVER a burden.