Parkinson's: Felling Groovy Part Two

 

Snarky Parky & me 

A Journey Into Parkinson's with Nancy Mellon

Coordinated by Corrine Bayraktaroglu

Feeling Groovy 

Part 2 of Nancy's Groovy Chronicles

Hey Google!  What does Feeling Groovy mean? Slang: Feeling happy or calm. For the last year and a half, my life has mostly all been about Parkinson's -except for the clowning. And that was me fumbling for something creative that didn't have to do with Parkinson's. I am not sure that it is working out.  I have enjoyed theater work before. So it made sense to dip in now.   And it tickled my funny bone to see myself as a Grandmother Clown called Tootie Fruiti.

But I am different now. I need more time to communicate my thoughts and to just plain think.  When I am feeling bad about it, I use the word  “Slow. I am slow.”  Our society is all about fast. Fast food, fast cars, doing two things at once to get more done faster. Slow has culturally bad connotations in our society. In my head, I am hearing the mean word- Dumb.  What does dumb mean to me?  It means even meaner words- stupid, not thinking, not as good as, or it also means not able to speak. Bingo.  That can be a problem for me, I forget words and need time to formulate my thoughts. My tongue feels turgid at times, it becomes literally hard to talk.  So I have felt ashamed for my slowness during the brainstorming parts of the clown workshops. I  have cried afterwards. Where is the joy in that?

With Parkinson's, I am slow. I will probably get slower. (I am not my mother,  I am not my mother - OK- maybe I am my mother, but not the same, it is OK to be parts of her. I loved her and admired so much about her.)

How do I reframe the word slow to benefit me?

I brought that question to my writing group and journaled about it. First there are slow movements now in our society- for cooking and eating. Heidi said there is a slow reading movement too! I guess, some of us, have realized that slow is good. It is allowing yourself to be in the moment. It is savoring the food, the taste, chewing, noticing the flavor, taking time to lay down your fork and talk. (How French!)

I have had 2 sessions with a wonderful cranial sacral therapy practitioner in the last couple of months.  She has talked about changing the visual images I have and the  stories that I tell myself, making up new ones.   Like seeing my brain filled with sparkling light.  And talking to my functioning, happy mother and laughing together.

That was a delightful thought.

This time when I thought of slow- what drifted into my mind was a song:

Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last

Just kicking down the cobblestones
Looking for fun and feeling groovy
Ba da-da da-da da-da, feeling groovy.

Change is what happens in life.  To everyone. I think slower and need more time to formulate my thoughts. I move slower when my medicine is coming to the end of  it's cycle and during the night when I am on a very low dose of it.

So this is my new anthem:

Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobblestones
Looking for fun and feeling groovy
Ba da-da da-da da-da, feeling groovy

Hello lamppost, what'cha knowing
I've come to watch your flowers growin'
Ain't you got no rhymes for me?
Doo-ait-n-doo-doo, feeling groovy
Ba da-da da-da da-da, feeling groovy

I got no deeds to do, no promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morningtime drop all its petals on me
Life, I love you, all is groovy

by Simon and Garfunkel 

Remember savor life, when going too fast you do not savor anything.

Feeling Groovy,

Nancy & the Snark