Parkinson’s: End of Life Conversations

 Snarky Parky & me

An Adventure in Parkinson's  

Narrated and Lived by Nancy Mellon 

Blog Coordinated by Corrine Bayraktaroglu

End of Life Conversations

I didn't want to talk about it. All week, I was nervous, thinking about it. On the evening we were set up to have this conversation, Zyn's black cat, Beamer, was dying and the plans for my granddaughter's big evening away hadn't worked out. So we didn't do it.

It had started with scrolling through my email swamp. I saw an email from The New York Times that said “end-of-life lunch”. That was such an odd juxtaposition of words that I had to find out what it was about. It was a very good article about having an end of life conversation with your family, (I will put a link to it at the bottom of this post.)

I had not thought about that before, but did now. And honestly, I was running out of time for finding a goal for my Month Long Goal Assignment for our Self -Efficacy class. This sounded like it would do. 

So I researched end of life -”Hey Google.”.... I found out about The Stanford Letter Project. Which is a totally cool, and free, (I love that word,) tool box of templates to document your wishes for care at the end of life. And it also has templates for letters to write to friends and family. And one for yourself – your bucket list. Does anyone have a bucket list? If you would like to share it with us, I'd love to see it!

“It can be done when someone is ill, but it’s really worth doing when one is still healthy, before it’s too late.” That rang a bell, (I wonder where that expression came from?) This became a real goal for me. 

What follows are some details of the kind of letter templates you will find at The Stanford Letter Project

• What Matters Most Letter: This is a letter template that allows anyone to document what matters most to them and what treatments they want in the future. This tool is free and is available in print, as an online fillable form and as an iPhone and Android App in eight different languages.

• Friends and Family Letter:This letter can help all adults complete their seven life review tasks: acknowledging important people in our lives; remembering treasured moments in our lives; apologizing to those we may have hurt; forgiving those who have hurt us; and saying “thank you,” “I love you” and “goodbye”. Using this template, you can write a letter to your friends and family in one of eight languages using an online form, an iPhone or Android App or a printable form.

I also found a Bucket List letter here too. Have you done a bucket list?

I haven't, not sure if I care to. But it is now mulling around in my brain. If you have done one and would like to share it with us, I would love to see it.

I also found in the friendly google search other tools for end of life questions and tasks. But for the moment I think that is enough.

We had our End-Of-Life Lunch on Saturday night, (only one day later) it was full of laughter and good cheer. I said I wanted an Irish Wake. Zyn said does that include a fight? No, thank you Zyn. I don't think that it has to include a fight. At least my dad's didn't. Yes, to Stories and Laughter and Songs- I wanted 3, and everyone to get Kazoos, so if they don't know the words they can play along. I am hopeful, that they can get the cardboard box (that I'll be cremated in) beforehand so they can paint on it and sign their names. Artists must sign their names.

So long,

Nancy and the Snark

How To Make End-of-Life Planning Less Stressful